Fallout 76 Perk Card Pack Jokes

When you open a Perk Card Pack in Fallout 76, just like old trading card packs, you'll get a stick of flavored Perk Bubblegum in your inventory and also a piece of paper with a joke on it. Each "The Funnies" joke is numbered so that you can "collect" them all, although the jokes aren't viewable again in the game. Here are all 100 jokes!

1Cram walks into a bar. Bartender says, "We don't serve food!"
2A Mister Handy walks into a bar. "Ouch!" he yells.
3Best post-war pizza? Extra cheese, hold the mushroom cloud.
4I have the world's worst thesaurus. It's terrible and terrible.
5Cop asked for my license. Told him I wasn't married.
6Thay sey speling iz a losst ahrt.
7Burrito finishes directing a movie. Says, "That's a wrap!"
8What's a blind fashion designer's favorite color? Corduroy.
9Hear about the lost pharaoh? He just wanted his mummy.
10Hear about the drunk Mr. Handy? He can't hold his whine.
11Kid is in the backseat of a time machine: "Are we then yet?"
12Why did Vault Boy cross the road? He was stapled to the chicken.
13You hear about the unsharpened spear? It was pointless.
14How do you call a shark to dinner? "Man overboard!"
15Can't get through to the funeral parlor? Maybe the line's dead.
16Tip: Never offer an Anchorage veteran a cold drink.
17Marry a cardiologist. They're all heart!
18Yo momma's so fat... she really should see a doctor. I'm concerned.
19Hear about the eraser who turned gangster? He got rubbed out.
20Peanut asks a grape out on a date. Grape says, "You're nuts!"
21The balloon postponed his wedding. Now it's up in the air.
22Hear about Santa's stand-up comedy act? He sleighed.
23Dracula caught a really bad cold. He just couldn't stop coffin.
24Roses are red, violets are blue, I didn't water them, they died.
25You know how to make fondue? That's a crock.
26Tree walks into a bar. "I'll have a root beer."
27"Talk is cheap," said no lawyer ever.
28Hitman says to the calendar, "Your days are numbered."
29My wife loves a man in uniform. His name is Roger.
30Best way to have a clean conscience? Never use it.
31If I had a nickel for every failed math test, I'd have 97 cents.
32A brave man robbed the zoo. He had the heart of a lion.
33Olga's just like a Russian doll. So full of herself.
34Protectron says to an Army recruiter, "I've got the mettle!"
35Hear about the man who asked out an Assaultron? You never will.
36Proper use of a comma is very, important.
37Popular ghost says to the unpopular ghost, "Get a life!"
38How did Joan lose 240 pounds? She got a divorce.
39If you love TV, get a remote control. It changes everything.
40Rabbit says to the hedgehog, "Can't you share?"
41Christine broke her neck 6 years ago. She never looked back.
42Hear about the poor Easter egg who fell off a counter? He dyed.
43Dyslexia have might you think you do?
44Worst helicopter pilot ever? Got cold so he turned off the fan.
45An idiot poured minestrone over his car. He wanted to soup it up.
46Is it annoying when someone answers their own questions? Sure is.
47If photons aren't religious, then why do they have mass?
48What do you call the time you clean and do laundry? Your day off.
49What does an educated person call an insurance policy? Vault-Tec.
504 drinks in one hand plus 5 in the other equals? Alcoholism.
51What do you call 16 men on a Dead Man's chest? Pirate CPR.
52What do you call a porcupine love affair? A murder suicide.
53Bagel says to roll, "You're the best thing since sliced bread."
54Rifle says to drunk revolver, "Don't go off halfcocked."
55Never trust a bucket's theories. They just don't hold water.
56"Knock knock!" "Go away. I hate knock knock jokes."
57I have short-term memory loss. I have short-term memory loss.
58Susie turned vegetarian, but thought it was a missed steak.
59What do you call a Vault overseer without a spouse? Irresistible.
60What does dad hate about Father's Day? Having to celebrate it.
61Two antennae got married. The reception was amazing.
62The Doberman forgot to do the dishes. Ended up in the dog house.
63Love's like a bullet – the exit is always the worst.
64Hear about the ambitious executioner? Always trying to get ahead.
65Your kid's so ugly, the cat tries to cover him up in the sandbox.
66An overachiever died at the blood clinic. She gave 100%.
67Grandma went crazy on the porch. Totally off her rocker.
68Hear about the soap addict? He's clean now.
69Why was Cinderella awful at bowling? She ran away from the ball.
704 out of 5 men suffer from hemorrhoids. That last guy loves them.
71I gave my seat on the bus to a blind man. They fired me as driver.
72Duck doctor says to his patient, "Full disclosure. I'm a quack."
73Hear about the cheese factory that exploded? De brie everywhere.
74What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea.
75What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no idea.
76How do you get a one-armed moron out of a tree? Wave.
77Want to keep a cat from drowning? Take the sack out of the river.
78What do you call the best pig in acting class? A total ham.
79Dad is washing the Corvega with his son. Son says, "Use a sponge!"
80Democracy asked Communism out on a date. "Are you free?"
81Why did the tennis player get divorced? He couldn't accept love.
82What's a seahorse's favorite sport? Water polo.
83I'm suing the fire department. They ruined my surprise dinner.
84Tip: Give your kids memories they don't have to repress.
85Kids can't get into my house. I had it childproofed.
86You hear about the man who sells dynamite? Business is booming.
87Why did June become an architect? To remove the glass ceiling.
88"Winning isn't everything!" – Inscribed on every 2nd place trophy.
89Hear about the werewolf prankster? He kept flashing a full moon.
90Oscar burned 3000 calories. He accidentally left a cake in the oven.
91You want some advice? I'm not using mine.
92Guns don't kill people. Technically, it's the bullets.
93Money can't buy happiness. But it can buy a Chryslus Rocket 69...
94Once is a mistake. Twice is problem. Seven times is a party.
95What do you call a family of geese crossing the road? Speed bumps.
96Trout detective walks onto a crime scene. "Something's fishy."
97I woke up this morning. It was an eye-opening experience.
98There was a mime with a price on his head. He had to be silenced.
99What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick.
100Hear about the man who stole a calendar? He got 12 months.

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